Commonplace Thoughts Vol. 1
Monday, June 16 - Sunday, June 22
Monday, June 16, 2025
We’ve watched two movies this week — both set in Ireland, both about kindness, both adaptations of Claire Keegan novellas. I loved Small Things Such As These as much on screen as I did in print, but The Quiet Girl moved me especially. Perhaps it’s because I’m in LA, staying at my grandmother’s house. This isn’t the same house I grew up in; it’s a downsizer a few streets up, but a familiar place for over 20 years. Unfamiliar is being here without Papa.
At the end of The Quiet Girl, Grandma asked me: “Which one did you like better?”
I paused.
“Both.”
“Both. …But him most at the end.”
Something about the uncomplicated love two older people have for a little girl. Generous adoration and kindness, which I have always had and still am lucky enough to enjoy. I was weepy at the last scene. That’s the thing about love and grief and growing up - they’re all tied up in and serving as proof of one another.
Tuesday, June 17, 2025
I’m almost 32 years old and wish someone would teach me how to be a woman. How to shave without slaughtering my calves. What a normal period looks like - genuinely, how long are we supposed to bleed for? What color should it be on which day? What kind of consistency? How to balance “exercising my boundaries” while maintaining empathy and general polite personhood. How to fold a fitted sheet. Why does successful, put-together, adult womanhood feel so gatekept? And I’m not using this as an opportunity to reflect on the impossibility of womanhood. I mean it. What am I supposed to be doing to show up in the world in a state of even low-level self-acceptance, and how do I do it? What do I need to buy to guarantee it?
We saw The Phoenecian Scheme this evening. I wouldn’t say I loved it, but I certainly liked it. It reminded me of old Wes Anderson. Not Rushmore or Darjeeling Limited Wes Anderson, but maybe Moonrise Kingdom or Grand Budapest Wes Anderson - a story with heart and plot rather than concept and style. The style was absolutely still there, but balanced with Mia Threapleton’s performance, which felt much more natural than the usual fast-paced wry performance Anderson commands.
I went to Uniqlo after and tried on 7 items of clothing - one skirt, one shirt, one pair of shorts, and four dresses. I didn’t buy anything.
Wednesday, June 18, 2025
We went to Universal Studios today to have fun and we did. Maybe we’re theme park people, because we managed a fulfilling day that included 5 rides and 2 eateries where no one was too cranky or scared or overwhelmed or tired. Or, maybe we’re just childless adults who know their limit.
I did almost have a panic attack at Hogwarts, but worked through it and (mostly) enjoyed Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. My eyes were closed for 80% of the ride. Still, I did it.
When we were driving home west through the Valley, L.A. felt positively apocalyptic. Hazy, thick heat smeared our scenic route view of strip malls and legal firm billboards. Sometimes I get this gnawing in my stomach, almost like I’m homesick, but without a place to go home to. It’s just an empty, lonely kind of fear that crops up in random patterns I can’t trace: when I’m taking a 3 pm nap, even in my own bed; when I’ve stayed at Target too long; when Dido comes on Shuffle.
Then the sun set and everything was clear and warm and happy again.
The Revenge of the Mummy is a lot shorter than I remembered. It’s good to remind yourself how much you love having fun with someone you love, and how easy it is, too.
Thursday, June 19, 2025
Beach day.
John’s Garden for sandwiches then straight to Zuma, between lifeguard stations 7 and 8 - the unequivocal best spot.
I wore my grandmother’s hat and a linen shirt and didn’t take my shorts off. Somewhere between half of a Zuma Submarine and waking up dazed on a monogrammed Pottery Barn Kids towel, I make the realization for the 173rd time how, over nearly 32 years and confined to this 20 mi radius, my definition of “treat” is ever changing.
At 6, it was the guarantee of a Ben & Jerry’s back at Malibu Country Mart after the beach. At 16, the Abercrombie bags lugged out of Westfield Topanga. Today - no thing, just spending an afternoon in the same sand and sun my mother and my grandmother and my great-grandmother loved.
Friday, June 20, 2025
Played Rummikub after dinner with Hilary and Caitlin. It felt good to use my brain. I could literally feel it aching from the work of learning something new / being used in a different way (and with numbers, nonetheless), but finally got the hang of it all towards the end of our game.
Saturday, June 21, 2025
Longest day of the year and I am kind of excited for shorter days. Maybe that’s because we still have so many long ones to go. I like seasonality and 5:00 pm nights are part of it. Although I’m trying not to get ahead of myself, I’m looking forward to making risotto and wearing wool socks and plodding to my bed with a hot cup of tea knowing it’s dark and cold outside. I don’t usually feel the autumn itch until late July, and the summer in Denver hasn’t been particularly hot so far (bar this past weekend, apparently)…so I’m not sure where this is coming from except the months after the loss have been marked by wanting time to pass quickly, next steps, impatience.
Then again - I wanted this time to get here quickly a few months ago and now we’re here and I’m still half-wishing it was another few months from now.
And at the same time…last day in L.A. and I’m wish-wishing for more time right here in my grandma’s house. Last days are always shitty. We already cried about it in the garden this afternoon.
Sunday, June 22, 2025
I watched Past Lives one-and-a-half times today: once on the plane before a gnarly bout of turbulence forced me back to deep breathing to the Wicked soundtrack, and again this evening in full because I refused to let any more time pass between Nora admitting “You were right. He came to see me.” and my existing.
I am not a great traveler but love travel days because I love being bone tired. It’s too hot in our apartment, my eyes ache, and I’m a little dehydrated. I’m going to sleep beautifully.
If you enjoyed this, maybe you’d like to…
FOLLOW me on Instagram
LISTEN to my podcast about books, BROKEN SPINE SOCIAL CLUB